random fact: i have started this post over about 6 times now. i just can't quite find the words i'm looking for. so let's just skip my words and move on to His.
"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; A good understanding have all those who do His commandments; His praise endures forever."
ever have to make a choice, and you have no idea what to do? yeah, i'm right there today. i'm a pen and paper kinda gal, so i make lists of pros and cons, i form plans about how each path could be carried out, i write out every random thought having to do with said choice and i mull over the possible outcomes that would follow; i try to think long term, i attempt to sort out short term, and in the end i'm left with a dozen pieces of notebook paper filled with neat handwriting. and no real answers.
why? are weighing options and looking at the future bad ways to plan? well, no. but really, when i've finished with my lists and reasons, i put them aside and i ask my blessed heavenly Father for His wisdom and direction.
He has often shown me in my life that the logical isn't always His best. He has pointed out that the option with the most pros and the least cons doesn't always come with the most eternal benefits and growth. sometimes, He wants me on the path that "doesn't make sense" so that i trust Him more and let go of my selfish pride that wants to be seen as wise.
so at the end of all my lists, it's really His call. i stack my papers neatly and set them off to the side. i go back to my knees again, and i pray again. and then, as the verse says, i pick myself up and do what i know i'm supposed to be doing (His commandments) and trust that He will come through on that promise and give me "a good understanding".
i go back to folding the laundry and cooking the next meal, because He has called me to be a hard worker in my home (Proverbs 31). i continue teaching my children to work hard and to obey with joy because He has told me to train them up (Proverbs 22:6). i return to the everyday tasks that require me to implement the joy, peace, patience, love, gentleness, & self-control that His Spirit imparts to me every day (Galatians 5:22-23).
so i'm going to mark todays date next to that verse and go back to that basket of clothes. someday i will be able to look back and see how He made clear the muddled mess in my notebook and head. and i will praise Him even more than i am today because He proves Himself good and faithful again and again.
"... His praise endures forever."